Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
