Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dicks are not precious.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
