So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
