See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
