Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize