About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
