I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
