Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
