miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
