is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
