I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Randomize
