I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
