I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
