I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
