did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
