one two three fourrrrnication!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize