Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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