This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
