when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My feet surprised me
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