Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
