The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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