One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize