i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
nutella sex= disaster
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
