When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize