Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
barbara walters just said penis...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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