What a fucking waste of an outfit
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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