I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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