it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
