my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I will be naked everywhere
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
