When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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