I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
