Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
