Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize