I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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