i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize