Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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