Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
