And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
