And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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