If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
A bitchslap is in order.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
