I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
