SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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