I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
