He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I deserve this hangover.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
