you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
