I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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