69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just high enough for therapy.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
