nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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