Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Houston, we have a blender
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
