Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
