Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
