Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
How does one acquire holy water?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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