There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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