Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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