Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
