I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
