I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
