Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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