Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
