goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize