I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
