i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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