Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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