i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
