he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
