Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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