Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
