I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
