I like to think it a success when the cops are called
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
