god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
