After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
ok first of all what the fuck
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