Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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