would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
